Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
