If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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