i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you would pick up someone in the library
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
