oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize