I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
