i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
do nipples grow back?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
