ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
