I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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