Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
