Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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