i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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