I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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