All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I fill condoms, not promises.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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