His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
