Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize