Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
