So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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