no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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