All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
