he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
