i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
