Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
