Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
