We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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