I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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