it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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