People in love make me want to vomit
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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