my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
