you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
