Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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