Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
