I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
