i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
