i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
