So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize