if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize