Where are you?
In a non slutty way
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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