So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
