Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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