I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
