i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
