you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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