New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
