i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
