I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
