Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
