we're chasing vodka with high fives
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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