I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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