The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did i walk over a car last night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
