she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
