one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize