booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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