They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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