i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
