i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
