You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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