i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
