i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
