I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
