hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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