I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
