are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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