So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Randomize