your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
