its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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