Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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