Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
