I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
barbara walters just said penis...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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