i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
