no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
