she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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