shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
